I can relate to a few things she talks about in this video. I agree with her statement that there are no "scripts" anymore and that we have high expectations of ourselves as parents. When Max was born, his happiness was above all else. In fact, as a new parent in the hospital, the nurses pretty much put the fear of God in us if he cried and we didn't respond it would cause negative effects to Max. So from day 1 it was implanted in my brain his happiness was the most important thing (consider my day 1 with Max was more like day 12 of Max's life- insert even more guilt and pressure to keep him happy).
And then I went back to work. As a working mom of an infant, it was hard for me to tell if he was as "happy" as he should be, which caused me to question so many decisions about balancing work and life. Should I leave work unfinished but make it home to eat dinner with my family? Surely Max needs mom time to be happy? Can we pick up food for dinner so we can truly engage and play with Max? Maybe I can stay up just another hour to work and then somehow get up in another 5 hours to spend time with Max before work?
As a work from home mom, I still felt it. Questions remained but the content slightly changed. Can I switch an easy to make dinner with a more complicated one since Max is teething and clingy, and clearly not happy? Can I get one more load of laundry done before it wakes him up from nap (darn song at the end of the load on our washer...)? If I take him on an errand now, will he fall asleep in the car, and will that ruin nap therefore making him very tired and unhappy? Am I spending enough time with Max at home? Is he happier at home with me, even though he may spend some time "alone" versus with other kids?
And as a stay at home mom, you guessed it, I still feel it. Have I put in enough quality time with Max to not feel a weekend away would make him upset and ask for mama? Should I read to him now or will he stay happily playing by himself if I try and finish the cleaning that needs to be done? Will the cleaning I didn't do earlier wake him up from his nap or can I be quiet enough? Is he getting enough interaction with other children? How do I keep up my skills, and can I do it while keeping Max happy?
The point of all this is that I thought it would be so much easier as I made changes to spend more of my time with Max. The truth is, some things are easier. And some things are harder. Just as you'd expect, the grass isn't (that much) greener on any side.
While I don't have the answer, what I do appreciate from Jennifer's point of view is it's time to aim for new goals and re-program ourselves from the newborn hospital days (happy not crying baby) to making productive and moral children, and hopefully happiness follows. Now yes, I realize an infant and a toddler are different. But because that is truly the only "training" a parent really gets, the message sticks, maybe longer than it should. Because the truth is, the world needs good, productive people. The Bible doesn't tell us to be happy, it tells us to help each other, be kind to one another, trust in God and Jesus, and follow the 10 Commandments. At this point in toddlerhood, it is hard to truly know the answer to the question where is Max happiest. And the truth is probably all of them. What I do know is I have a greater impact on raising him to be a productive, moral child when I see him more often (e.g.,not a 50+ hour work week) which is why I'm choosing not to go back to the traditional full-time job as it exists today. In order to keep up with my skills, I am pursuing contract work in my field (short-term or part-time) and God has already provided me with a very short-term full-time opportunity that starts tomorrow. Boy, God is Great! For Max, for myself, and for our family, this is the choice that works for us today and I can't wait to see what the rest of the journey brings.